the Language of Flowers by Vanessa Diffenbaugh

Vanessa Diffenbaugh’s The Language of Flowers is a beautiful book about the redemptive power of love, wisdom, grace and healing. By illuminating the Victorian era practice of communicating feelings through flower selection, Diffenbaugh softens the otherwise painful story of a young women trapped in the foster care system.  We first meet 18 year-old Victoria Jones on her “emancipation day.” Victoria's social worker is driving her to a transition home in the Sunset District of San Francisco. Victoria feels unwanted, unloved, and unworthy. Abandoned at three weeks, Victoria has lived in dozens of foster homes. Though she is bright, her anti-social behavior and attachment disorder cause her to hide within herself. Victoria has pushed away anyone that begins to care about her. The pain of familiar isolation is better than the pain of rejection and abandonment. Miraculously, she endures the foster care system for 18 years. After running away from her “transition” home, she is homeless and living in a public park. She eventually works for a florist named Renata and rents a tiny room from Renata’s sister. After she meets Grant at the flower market, he hands her a clipping of mistletoe, which Victoria knows to symbolize - I surmount all obstacles. Victoria then gives Grant snapdragon which symbolizes-presumption. Victoria’s feels fear and something new: a glimmer of hope as she realizes they both know the language of flowers.

The story alternates between Victoria’s post-emancipation life and her recollection of the most formative year of her life when, at age 10, Victoria is placed in a foster home north of San Francisco. Her new foster mother, Elizabeth, is single and lives in a house on a vineyard. After experiencing abuse and neglect, Victoria seems incapable of receiving love. Yet, the lush landscape of grapes, flowers, and endless sky offer possibility. Her new foster mother sets clear boundaries for Victoria. She cooks her delicious meals, pays attention to her, and treats her with compassion and respect. Victoria’s hardened heart begins to yield. She is finally being treated with respect, not like an unworthy foster kid.

Initially, it is difficult for Elizabeth and Victoria. Yet, Elizabeth knows the shame of rejection and abandonment. She too was neglected and received little love from her distant father and mentally ill mother. She perseveres due to the love of her older sister, Catherine, who now lives next door. This experience provides Elizabeth with empathy and understanding. She tells Victoria, “Nothing you could do would make me send you away. Nothing. So you can go on testing me, hurling my mother's silver around the kitchen, if that is what you have to do - but know that my response will always be the same: I will love you and I will keep you.”

Elizabeth teaches Victoria the turn-of-the-century practice of conveying emotion through flowers. This cryptic communication resonates with Victoria and she begins to share her emotions through flowers. Victoria asks Elizabeth the name of the flower for hate. Elizabeth retorts, “The flower you are looking for is clearly the common thistle, which symbolizes "misanthropy." Misanthropy means hatred or mistrust of humankind. Victoria responds, “No one had ever described my feelings in a single word.” Victoria quickly absorbs this new language and uses it to communicate her feelings to Elizabeth. Victoria settles into Elizabeth’s world and experiences the feeling of being loved. “I didn't want to go back. I liked Elizabeth I liked her flowers, her grapes, and her concentrated attention. Finally, I realized, I had found a place I wanted to stay.”

Yet trouble is brewing. The sisters have not spoken in 15 years. The silence emanating from  Catherine’s house next door has wrapped itself like a vine around Elizabeth’s heart. She begs her sister to talk with her, but is met with silence. Her grief and despair take their toll on Elizabeth's relationship with Victoria. When the day comes for Elizabeth to adopt Victoria, Elizabeth panics. She does not get out of bed. She fears she cannot provide Victoria with the love and nurturing she never received. Emotional chaos ensues and Victoria does something shocking. The foster care system cannot make sense of what transpired. There is miscommunication and misunderstanding and the fragile possibility of a loving home evaporates. Victoria is sent back into the foster care system for eight more years. Her grief is overwhelming as Victoria knows Elizabeth loves her and yet, in her guilt and confusion, Victoria believes she deserves her fate.

I don’t want to spoil the many subplots. But during the year that Victoria lives with Elizabeth, the seeds of love and acceptance were planted in Victoria. They are not revealed for 10 more years and Victoria’s painful path is hard to observe. Yet, Victoria does change and learns to integrate a bit of the love and trust she learned from Elizabeth into her present life. When Victoria sees Elizabeth again after 10 years, she bring Elizabeth a huge bouquet of flowers. The flowers in the bouquet are: Flax – I feel your kindness; forget me not – forget me not; hazel - reconciliation; white rose - grace; pink rose - a heart acquainted with love; helenium - tears; periwinkle - tender recollections; primrose - childhood; and bellflower - gratitude. Victoria has grown and changed. She not only understands the language of flowers; she can now experience the feelings they symbolize.